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There are awesome films that can be remembered as “experiences” or “emotions” rather than movies. Dhurandhar in the formal category and Tanvi—The Great are such respective cinema.
There is a third category: movies so abysmal that these anomalies (thankfully rare) can be termed “excrescences” or blots in the arena of entertainment. Happy Patel: Khatarnak Jasoos is one of these: a salute to everything that can conceivably go wrong in motion pictures. It makes the receptive (to good comedy, dark comedy and thrillers) souls unhappy and it does not take a jasoos (detective) to know that such a terrifying experience is khatarnak (dangerous) for mental health.
Yes, such a terrible cataclysm can also be a powerful soporific, but the background mu’sick’ by Shalom Benjamin, Nirmit Shah and Parth Pandya has enough decibel-wise potential to let us not have that relief either!
The film is set in Goa. In the beginning, a don named Jimmy (Aamir Khan) is killed in Panjor, a fictitious town in Goa, where a classic dark comedy, Go Goa Gone, was based all of 13 years ago. In London, cookery expert and otherwise nerd, Happy Patel (Vir Das) is trying his best to become a spy but MI7 (!) has failed him seven times. He has two fathers (just like this film has two ‘directors’!) and comes to know that his mother was an Indian, also killed by Mama (Mona Singh), a don again in Goa. His fathers send him a spy to India to rescue a scientist and also in the process get Mama. Mama, you see, is trying to develop a fairness cream (!!!) that will damage the market prospects of a British company. Ahh! What a pretense for a social message on body shaming!
In his mission, Happy’s associate is restaurateur Geet (Sharib Hashmi) and there is an unexpected ally in singer-dancer Rupa (Mithika Parkar). There are gangsters, acolytes, crazy female cops, the works, and even a few celeb cameos. And in the process, our brains go zonked, bonked and whirring in despair.
The less said about the intolerable script (Vir Das again with a gentleman named Amogh Ranadive) and direction (some Kavi Shastri joining the omnipresent Vir Das, who also pens some of the leer-ics…Oops! I mean lyrics and does part of the music besides co-producing this blot on January 2026!) the better.
The film remains a textbook on (a) how not to conceive a film (b) how not to greenlight the project if written (c) how not to actually make the film if greenlit, and (d) how one can totally, systematically and ruthlessly make the audience wish that they had spent the time solving multiple Rubik’s Cubes instead or watching Go Goa Gone (actually featuring Vir Das too!) again.
Mona Singh is lovely as the manic Mama and saves the film from being a total zero. Imran Khan makes a comeback that isn’t! Anyone expecting a Bobby Deol in Animal or Akshaye Khanna in Chhaava and Dhurandhar may please contact the producers (including—shockingly, uncle Aamir Khan!) for compensation due to any disappointment!
Vir Das, as actor, delineates the difference between a stand-up comic and a film hero, as he attempts a Kapil Sharma-like versatility. There are some half-a-dozen sporadic one-liners and maybe less sequences that can make us chuckle in 119 excruciating minutes. The songs should be immediately and completely dispensed into a bin. The film, sorry to say this, ditto!
Next time, Aamir Khan should not be conned when someone promises him a Delhi Belly-like delight or a Go Goa Gone-like humdinger. Vir’s and Kavi’s should be replaced by proper filmmakers who respect the audience’s pulse, pockets and time.
Rating: * (Almost!)
Aamir Khan Productions’ Happy Patel: Khatarnak Jasoos Produced by: Aamir Khan, Aparna Purohit, Vir Das & Kavi Shastri Directed by: Vir Das & Kavi Shastri Written by: Vir Das & Amogh Ranadive Music: Achint Thakkar, Akshay & Ip, Ajay Jayanthi & Parth Parekh, & Alien Chutney (Vir Das, Sidd Coutto & Kaizad Gherda) Starring: Vir Das, Mona Singh, Mithila Parkar, Sharib Hashmi, Sumukhi Suresh, Sharvari Deshpande, Bageshri Joshirao, Madhura Joshi, Tirrtha Murbaadkar, Maya Rachel Mcmanus, Bacchan Pachera, Sp. App.: Aamir Khan, Imran Khan & others
