Film Review: 7 Dogs Is a Dud That Has Nothing to Do with Animals

From the 1970s to the 1990s, we had innumerable films named after deities or holy entities like Krishnavtar (Mithun Chakraborty’s non-starter), Gautam Govinda, Amar Shakti, Ram Avtar, Vishnu Devaa, Shiv Raam, Shanker Shambhuand more, that had precisely nothing to do with religion and were only title roles for characters in films ‘devoted’ to action and violence.

7 Dogs (watched its Hindi version) similarly has nothing to do with our beloved canine pets but is the nickname of a drug syndicate operating worldwide and led by seven ‘human’ beasts who will stop at nothing. Had this film, produced by an American and a NRI from Riyadh, been made in India, maybe India’s SPCA (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) could have objected to a title that is defamatory to man’s best friend! Only recently, we watched the sweet and sincere Ohh My Dog and very soon, I am set to watch a documentary named Oslo.

The film joins the now-extraordinarily ‘prolific’ school of mindless actioners with stylized treatment with the use of another template—an ace Interpol officer, Khalid Al-Azzazi (Ahmed Ezz) and a convicted criminal named Ghali (Karim Abdel Aziz)—joining forces to annihilate this drug mafia. The syndicate has unleashed a psychotropic drug called ‘Pink Lady’, whose effects never really leave you until death or you commit suicide (!) during your delusions, and is trying to spread it worldwide.  The 7 Dogs organization has been formed by—naturally—seven diabolical human beings, operating from multiple countries. 

As the film has liberally imported a lot of its convoluted script, scale and grandeur from Hindi and South Indian (with even a smattering of Bhojpuri!) cinema besides from Hollywood, one ‘dog’ is Indian and is portrayed by Sanjay Dutt with a comic slant—a la Dhurandhar, as Ranjit. In the makers’ delusion (wonder if the creators themselves took a whiff of ‘Pink Lady’?!) that Indian audiences will patronize their ‘epic actioner’, Salman Khan as Johar is also wasted in a cameo. Obviously, the two cannot come together as Johar clues the heroes in on Ranjit’s whereabouts. 

In the best offbeat makers’ condescending tradition, India is shown as a filthy location with alleys and cul-de-sacs all displaying dirt, grime and squalor, as if they wish to show that Ranjit is a ‘slumdog millionaire’!

Anyways, it’s all about mindless but gargantuan action, and I believe that the pre-climax has a series of explosions that rank as the biggest live explosions ever done for a film.

But it’s all a lost cause, as apart from everything else, absurdities and illogic thrive, and faces (actors) imported from diverse parts of the globe, such as Monica Bellucci, Martin Lawrence and He Rong Lin do not really help. In India, there is a term for fake versions of branded goods—they are called ‘First Copy’(!)—and this film is simply a first copy of the cinemas from regions mentioned above.

Is there anything then to praise at all? Yes, the lead performers and their chemistry with witty banter (a trope is best followed in its entirety) are very good and carry the film for what it is worth. Monica Bellucci as one of the ‘dogs’ is quite decent and Maya Aboul Hosn as her companion scores in a brief role. As the cop bosses, Nasser Al Qasabi and Sayed Ragab are good.

What else is negative? For one, the usually-deafening background score by Lorne Balfe and the very, very jerky cinematography (Robrecht Heyvaert), especially in the introductory plane sequence, which forced me to move from the front row of the preview theatre to the last. And last but definitely between least and most, the distractingly intrusive and excessive animation to show the Pink Lady’s effects!

If you enjoy noisy nonsense, buy a ticket. But let me first offer a statutory warning: As in many a Hindi and South film, we have an indication in the last scene that a sequel is on the way.

Growl!

Rating: ** 

Sela Studios’ 7 Dogs (Hindi) Produced by: Ivan Atkinson & Cyrus Patel Directed by: Adil El Arbi & Bilall FallahWritten by: Turki Alalshikh & Mohamed El-Dabbah Music: Lorne Balfe Starring: Ahmed Ezz, Karim Abdel Aziz, Monica Bellucci, Nasser Al Qasabi, Sayed Ragab, Tara Emad, Sandy Bella, Giancarlo Esposito, Max Huang, Salman Khan, Maya Aboul Hosn, Sanjay Dutt, Menna Shalabi, Hana El Zahed, He Rong Lin & others

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